left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
