i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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