U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
