Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
