I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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