i just wanna soil my oats bro
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
