if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
