woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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