wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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