she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
