Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
