Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
