I just saw a hot homeless man
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize