Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
