He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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