when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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