My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
