I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
