So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
