all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
