Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
