hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
