i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
