It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
