Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
