Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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