The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
