My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
