dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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