Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize