ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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