Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
