i may or may not be watching the land before time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize