The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
