I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize