"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
