I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
