can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
