Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
