I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize