How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
