He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
