My room smells like vodka and shame
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
