how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
