Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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