I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
