That's when you crack a 10am beer
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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