I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
