dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
