GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
