She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
