i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
