you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize