One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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