I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
