hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i think i just lost a toe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
