Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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