Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
