Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize