Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
