literally had 100 drinks last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize