when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
