I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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