maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
