i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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