People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
