I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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