atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
